What do you call a pig that does karate? . Answer: A pork chop! ======================== This sentence is false. ======================== Mark Zuckerberg was a Psychology Major at Harvard! I think I should re-consider my major before I begin the next big website. ======================== Winter is Coming ======================== "Im awesome and I know it :]" ======================== I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die. -Roy Batty, Rutger Hauer in Blade Runner ======================== this is a short but concise message that proves I know how to submit files through linux. SSH was not used here, gedit is the program this was written in. On my laptop I typically use... I believe its Kwrite. Hopefully that will work just the same as you mentioned some students had trouble with the file submissions. ======================== I noticed on your homepage that you have a home off of Mulberry. I actually grew up not too far from there. For most of my life I lived off of Fulton, which you can actually use as a short cut if you get stuck at the train that runs right next to Blanco. At some point I would like to move back to that side of town, but for now my fiance has dragged me out to the suburbs, which is fine if you don't mind knowing that going anywhere "In town" should be considered a field trip. ======================== time waits for no man ======================== == begin /home/jhong/bin/htar ==== 23 lines ===== #!/usr/bin/perl -w die "htar [-h header] outfile infile...\n" if (@ARGV<2)||(($ARGV[0] eq '-h')&&(@ARGV<4)); if($ARGV[0] eq '-h'){ shift; $header=shift; $header.="\n\n"; }else{ $header=''; } $outname=shift; open(OUT,"> $outname"); print OUT $header; for $inname (@ARGV){ open(IN,$inname)or die "cannot open $inname\n"; @lines=; chomp @lines; print OUT "== begin $inname ==== ",0+@lines," lines =====\n"; print OUT join("\n",@lines),"\n"; print OUT "== end $inname ===================\n"; print OUT "\n"; } == end /home/jhong/bin/htar =================== == begin /home/jhong/bin/submit3723 ==== 5 lines ===== #!/usr/bin/perl -w die "submit3723 recnum file ...\n" if @ARGV<2; $recnum=shift; print `htar -h 'Hong, Jeremiah; CS 3723; Recitation $recnum' submission.txt @ARGV`; print `~wagner/bin/cs3723r$recnum < submission.txt` == end /home/jhong/bin/submit3723 =================== ======================== The song "Funky Cold Medina" was sung by TONE-LOC who was Ace Venturas police contact in "Ace Venturea: Pet Detective". ======================== Steve Jobs: What is this? This is like doing business with a praying mantis. You get seduced, and then eaten alive afterwards? Bill Gates: Get real, would ya? You and I are both like guys who had this rich neighbor - Xerox - who left the door open all the time. And you go sneakin' in to steal a TV set. Only when you get there, you realize that I got there first. I got the loot, Steve! And you're yellin'? "That's not fair. I wanted to try to steal it first." You're too late. -- Pirates of Silicon Valley ======================== Stewardesses is the longest word that is formally typed with only the left hand. ======================== When I was a kid, I thought a lot about what made me different from the other kids. I don’t think I was smarter than them and I certainly wasn’t more talented. And I definitely can’t claim I was a harder worker — I’ve never worked particularly hard, I’ve always just tried doing things I find fun. Instead, what I concluded was that I was more curious — but not because I had been born that way. If you watch little kids, they are intensely curious, always exploring and trying to figure out how things work. The problem is that school drives all that curiosity out. Instead of letting you explore things for yourself, it tells you that you have to read these particular books and answer these particular questions. And if you try to do something else instead, you’ll get in trouble. Very few people’s curiosity can survive that. But, due to some accident, mine did. I kept being curious and just followed my curiosity. - Aaron Swartz ======================== hello this is my random text file my name is *************** i am taking programming langs computer arch and graphics this is my last semester at UTSA Im bot to sure how i feel about graduating but im here doing my best I like music, having fun, sneakers, video games and long walks on short bridges ======================== "Should we be mindful of dreams?" Joseph asked. "Can we interpret them?" The Master looked into his eyes and said tersely: "We should be mindful of everything, for we can interpret everything." - Hermann Hesse, The Glass Bead Game ======================== "I am bad, but that's good. I can't be good and thats not bad. There is no one I rather be than me." ======================== “ Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it. ” -Brian Kernighan ======================== True story from a Novel Netware SysOp: caller: "Hello, Is this tech support ? " Tech: "Yes, It is. How may I help you ?" caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am withing my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed ?" Tech: "Did you say a Cup holder ? " caller: "Yes ! it is attached to the front of my computer" Tech: "Please excuse me If I seem a bit stumped, It's because I am. Did you received this as part of a promotional, at a trade show ?" caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional, It just has 4X on it." At this point the tech rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it He was laughing too high. The caller had been Using the load drawer of CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive. --- deepjava.com/humour.jsp --- ======================== I like pie. ======================== "Hello now I must be going" -Phil Collins ======================== all your base are belong to us ======================== mary had a litle lamb ======================== If someone’s ungrateful and you tell him he’s ungrateful, okay, you’ve called him a name. You haven’t solved anything. - Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maitenance ======================== I am a man of few words, testing the *resubmission* of a lab, just to see what happens. ======================== A Wisconsin senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of a Milwaukee dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. 'Amazing,' he thought as he flew down I-94 towards Madison, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a State Patrol car behind him, blue and red lights flashing. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, 'What am I doing? I'm too old for this,' and pulled over to await the Trooper 's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.' The old gentleman paused. Then said, 'Years ago, my wife ran off with a Wisconsin State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.' 'Have a good day, Sir,' replied ======================== "Only after disaster can we be resurrected...it's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." - Tyler Durden ======================== "The America Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money." Alexis de Tocquevill ======================== What kind of computer sings? ... A Dell. Badum tsh ======================== Every sinner has a future and every saint has a past ======================== A woodchuck could chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. ======================== "I like pickles." - said by someone who likes pickles ======================== Remember me? I'm the indignant one. ======================== Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful. -- Mary Shelly, Frankenstein ======================== You were on your way home when you died. It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me. And that�s when you met me. �What� what happened?� You asked. �Where am I?� �You died,� I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words. �There was a� a truck and it was skidding�� �Yup,� I said. �I� I died?� �Yup. But don�t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,� I said. You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. �What is this place?� You asked. �Is this the afterlife?� �More or less,� I said. �Are you god?� You asked. �Yup,� I replied. �I�m God.� �My kids� my wife,� you said. �What about them?� �Will they be all right?� �That�s what I like to see,� I said. �You just died and your main concern is for your family. That�s good stuff right there.� You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn�t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty. �Don�t worry,� I said. �They�ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn�t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it�s any consolation, she�ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.� �Oh,� you said. �So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?� �Neither,� I said. �You�ll be reincarnated.� �Ah,� you said. �So the Hindus were right,� �All religions are right in their own way,� I said. �Walk with me.� You followed along as we strode through the void. �Where are we going?� �Nowhere in particular,� I said. �It�s just nice to walk while we talk.� �So what�s the point, then?� You asked. �When I get reborn, I�ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won�t matter.� �Not so!� I said. �You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don�t remember them right now.� I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. �Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It�s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it�s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you�ve gained all the experiences it had. �You�ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven�t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you�d start remembering everything. But there�s no point to doing that between each life.� �How many times have I been reincarnated, then?� �Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.� I said. �This time around, you�ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.� �Wait, what?� You stammered. �You�re sending me back in time?� �Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.� �Where you come from?� You said. �Oh sure,� I explained �I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you�ll want to know what it�s like there, but honestly you wouldn�t understand.� �Oh,� you said, a little let down. �But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.� �Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don�t even know it�s happening.� �So what�s the point of it all?� �Seriously?� I asked. �Seriously? You�re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn�t that a little stereotypical?� �Well it�s a reasonable question,� you persisted. I looked you in the eye. �The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.� �You mean mankind? You want us to mature?� �No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.� �Just me? What about everyone else?� �There is no one else,� I said. �In this universe, there�s just you and me.� You stared blankly at me. �But all the people on earth�� �All you. Different incarnations of you.� �Wait. I�m everyone!?� �Now you�re getting it,� I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back. �I�m every human being who ever lived?� �Or who will ever live, yes.� �I�m Abraham Lincoln?� �And you�re John Wilkes Booth, too,� I added. �I�m Hitler?� You said, appalled. �And you�re the millions he killed.� �I�m Jesus?� �And you�re everyone who followed him.� You fell silent. �Every time you victimized someone,� I said, �you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you�ve done, you�ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.� You thought for a long time. �Why?� You asked me. �Why do all this?� �Because someday, you will become like me. Because that�s what you are. You�re one of my kind. You�re my child.� �Whoa,� you said, incredulous. �You mean I�m a god?� �No. Not yet. You�re a fetus. You�re still growing. Once you�ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.� �So the whole universe,� you said, �it�s just�� �An egg.� I answered. �Now it�s time for you to move on to your next life.� And I sent you on your way.